Cool Buddies

A day in the life of my cat [by Sharada]

Posted in Animals, Humour, Life by Ratheesh & Sharada on September 4, 2015

(from his point of view, as understood by me)

Oh it is time to wake up already! Alright! Great, the big door opens. Now they want me to come out and speak to them. First things first, ah.. nice stretch; most important thing after waking up… and a nice big yawn! Good morning, human. Yes, I mean you. Ah, you made me happy, thank you. Yes, a little bit more there, yes I love a well meaning scratch. Yay! I am free! I am free!

Wow, everyone is up. What were they doing? Hmmm, some nice smelling stuff coming from the room where they make the maximum noise and from where all my milk comes from. Oh, they are again eating some vegetables. It was smelling good, but on closer observation, I am not interested. You won’t believe how much they eat! And they keep shoving things into their mouth, sometimes it makes sound, sometimes it smells weird and sometimes it is watery. But all I get is some granules, they smell great, does not have much taste. But I eat them anyway.

What’s that? Hmm.. an intruder. Let me hide and pounce on him. Oh no, he is flying. Will climb on the table where they keep all their food. Aww.. why do you keep scolding me? I was only trying to catch the fly which I felt is a threat. Nevermind, he escaped. But only till next time.

Ah, Good morning, this is my favourite human. It gives me what I ask for. I mean, most of the time, atleast. I think it has understood me to some extent. But keeps touching me. Ouch, why are you cuddling me? Am I a baby? Come on, treat me with some respect. I am protecting you. I am an individual and as big as you, in cat years that is! Do you go around carrying your teenage sons? Don’t embarass me!

Hey, what’s that sound. Seems like an enemy, the pigeon. Grrr.. I hate them. I don’t know why. I just can’t stand them. So noisy… Let me go chase them away, stupid creatures. Grrr… hey you! stay away! I mean it! I reserve the worst expression possible for them, the most disgusting one. Let me go out and look at the road. Ah… run! What was that? My, I just ran inside in time. They make terrible, ear splitting noise and some humans seem to ride them. I don’t understand why they cannot pass silently. Scary stuff.

My stomach is rumbling, let me go be nice to my human. I will play with it and be nice to it and maybe it will give me my milk. Aww, so cute. Let me give you a small nibble while I am at it. there, do you like it? Oh you want more? Oh now you want to get into a friendly fight? I am ready, come try me! Oh now why are you screaming at me.. you asked for it! Strange.

Ah, finally I smell milk. It is pouring into my dish. lap… lap.. lick.. there! ah, satisfied. Now the post eating ritual of cleaning my fur. I am feeling itchy from last two days, these damn ticks have got me. Grrr… I will eat you! I never get them, however hard I try.. They are very troublesome. Sometimes I wish a human comes and scratches me, just that it does not know where to scratch. It means well, but scratches at wrong places and I get annoyed. Sigh.

Oh someone is going up the strairs, I can hear it! Let me run and reach there before them. It is my favourite place in the house. The open terrace. I can roll there, chase butterflies without being threatened by enemies. And, yes, I can keep an eye on those darn pigeons too from that height. Ah, why is the door closed now, sad. Oh great, it is opening it. It wants me to go out too. But wait, you can’t go away, leaving me here all alone. Come on, play with me. It went away. Nevermind, let me roll and feel the cool cement ground on my back.

I can sit here all day. There is so much to see and do here, unlike inside. Inside the house, everyone is busy doing something, I don’t exactly understand what. They seem to be eating a lot; a lot more than they should be. But they sleep very less, unlike me. I mean, what else do you need to do other than hunt, eat and sleep. They seem to be having a lot to do. They even talk to each other a lot. Wish I could understand what they say.

Oh my human looks like is abandoning me and going away. I hate it when they do not even notice me and walk away. Hey, I am sitting here, I want to sit here for some more time. Can you not stay with me? Ok, let me go downstairs and meet my other human. Meow… they seem to understand if I make a sound. No, no, thank you. I already ate. I don’t want food. This human is really dumb. It always thinks that I want food. I am not like you. I don’t eat all the time. I was saying a casual hello. You could either play with me or just say a hello. Food!

Ah, finally, I got someone to play with. This one is really good. It puts up a good fight. I would love to do this for some more time, but it gives up very easily. But I know, this one had trained me when I was little. Some of my fighting instincts were triggered due to the fights we used to have back then. If only… if only I can really fight with someone my equal! There is a big guy next door. He just stared at me the other day and I ran like hell for my life. He looks really intimidating. I will have to face him soon.

For now, I am the pampered little kitten. I can do as I please. And, my humans just love me. I love them too. So, I don’t see a need to go out anywhere. But I know, one day, I will become big and have to go out. That is what all cats do; atleast all male cats. Ouch, what is that bright light in my face. Who is this? Hey, it’s a new human. Never seen it before. It is pointing some weapon at me, might hurt me. They keep getting this box and it spits out bright flashes of light that hurts my eye. But it ends soon. Things I have to endure!

I see a spider! Wow, let me chase it down. And, just as I was about to kill the spider, something pulls me away. Ah, it is a human. It doesn’t want me to eat spiders? Is that what it is about? Oh, maybe it doesn’t want me to sit on top of their color box. The box that keeps emitting colors and sounds all the time. Somehow, the humans are able to leave all their work and sit staring at this for hours. I tried looking at it, I see a lot of colors. The spider seems more exciting.

Hey, a moving object. Could it be a rat? Let me hunt it down. Oh, it is not a living thing. Nevertheless, let me pretend it is a rat and hunt it down. I will hold it between my legs and kick it well and bite it at the same time. I will dig my claws into it. It is boring if it doesn’t even move. Oh, the human is coming towards me. What does it want? It wants to hold the rat, I mean that thing. It is throwing it. Yay, it is moving again. Let me run and hunt it down!

I am tired now. Time for a nap. Hmmm, where do I settle down? This couch smells weird. Not good. Let me jump on the sofa and try it. Hmmm, this is warm, looks good. Let me settle down here. Hey wait a minute. This is my place. Come on. Humans are so insensitive sometimes. I did all the hard work and found the right spot and now it wants it and it doesn’t even ask me. Just takes it away and drives me out. Now, I say, that is rude. Anyway, I will try the chair.

Is anybody going up the stairs? I want to run around in the open area. Hellooo “meeooowww” how do I communicate with these humans? They are so occupied with their own world all the time, what about me? I mean, I am the special person in this house, am I not? Let me go and rub my body against their legs, they seem to always fall for that. Come upstairs, understand? Oh no, not again. I just ate. Don’t keep giving me food, you fat lady. I want you to take me upstairs into the open. Yay, finally!! it is moving towards the stairs, let me run and beat it to the top. Now, come on, open the door. I will ask nicely, once again, please open the door!! Ah, good, it understood pretty well. Wow, the warm floor, let me roll on it and get some mud on my hairs. This is so much fun! Hey human, where are you going? Are you not gonna play with me, now come on, don’t be a spoil sport. Just a little game of chasing and hunting? Yay! it is coming outside, let me chase.. Ha Ha, this is so exciting.

Ok, I need a break now! I am so tired, let me take a breath. That stupid black bird again sounding alarm calls. Yes, one day I will come and eat your eggs from your nest. Aaarrrrgggghhhh I don’t like the sight of you. Go away.

Hey, where are you going, human? Are you tired too? Ok, I will just sit here, while you go and do something else for sometime. I will explore the pathway that will take me even higher today. It seems pretty steep, but I think I am ready for it. Once I get there on the top, I will get a very good view of all my enemies and can defend my territory well. But first, I need to sniff around for hours together every inch of that ladder, just to make sure it is safe.

Human! I am here! Yes, on top. I am sure you cannot smell me, because you only seem to rely on your other senses, mostly eyes. Oh you are calling out for me, ok meeoowwww, here, look up. It looked now, wonder how it sees when it is dark. I mean, it is so much easier to just smell and find out and be quiet. It is a strategy all animals swear by. Anyways, humans seem to be very unlike us. So let it be. Ah, it seems to have got me something to eat! How considerate, I was just getting hungry. Would love to nibble on some food. This makes me so happy… Puuuurrrrr Puuurrrrr Yes, stroke me little to the left please, ah, there, that feels so good. Will you play with me after I eat?

So much fun to lie in shade of a tree in the afternoon, without a care for anything in the world! How I wish I had a sibling to play with, would be so much easier. The human ones don’t seem to enjoy the outdoors, they always lie on soft bedding indoors. Just come out and see how good it feels to be in the sun! Hey! Wait a minute! Was that water? Oh no, rain… what do I do? Run… oh damn, the big metal door is closed! Helloo, anybody there? Come on, open the door!! I am getting wet! Let me try to open it with my claws, oh no, it doesn’t budge. What bad luck! Please, someone come and rescue me! I am all alone in the rain, getting wet. Have you forgotten me? Your cute little kitten?… open the door! open the door! open the door!!!

Ah finally, I hear footsteps, thank you, thank you. Oh God, that was terrible. I thought I will just get wet and sick. Ah, let me run inside to some warm spot. No… Noooooo …. Don’t rub me with that stupid cloth. I am very well capable of licking myself clean. Yuck! How disgusting. I am okay. Yes, I know, I got a bit… scared… I mean, a bit… anxious… I am okay now. I am totally fine. Whew! That was some rain, but now that I am better, I want to go out again. Guess the rain has stopped? Actually, it was fun! But don’t know why they close that metal door? It would be so much easier if they leave all doors as they are! open! Actually, why do you need doors anyways? Just to create blockages? Is it some kind of trap? Why can’t you always leave everything open, free passages?

Did you see the human who is generally kind to me and who understands me? No? Yes, I am asking you, the man with the stick, yes, you. Did you see it? What? Why are you shouting at me? Now, what did I do? Let me go and sit in the bathroom. I am hurt. That is no way to talk to a little kitten. I don’t know what I did? Why did it scold me? I will pee all over the place where you are and then you will have to wipe it. You understand? Let me do that right away! Yes, now, how do you like that?

I am sensing some danger, I hear something downstairs. Oh my! A huge hairy dog! How did he get here? Are they trying to get me killed? Let me quickly hide in a box and be quiet. This is really dangerous. I will be hunted down like a smelly rat in no time. Why would someone get a dog to this house! Don’t they know I live here now? Lie low, lie low. He can’t smell me till here. Ok, he is going. Whew! He left without any mishaps. Now that’s a relief!

Let me step out now and survey the area. And I need to be sure he is gone. Hey! what was that? I am just swept off my feet, completely caught off guard! Oh no, another human, which comes sometimes and all it does it lift me off my feet and cuddle me. Ewww I don’t like that at all. No, human, this is not how you play with us cats. You just come for a friendly fight, you run around and chase me or we will just follow some moving objects. Cuddling makes my fur messy and I will need to sit and clean it all over again. And, it rubs off some undesirable scents on my body, which again I will have to clean. So, let me be clear, don’t do it! Or else, I will.. bite you!!

I have found a new fascination, it is flowing stream in the room from where pleasant aroma keeps coming once in a while. But there is one problem. I will have to wait till the human that understands me comes and does something to turn it on. Rest of the time, I sit and wait in front of that thing all day and not a drop of water comes out. There is some trick which I haven’t yet figured out. Yes, it is here, it will turn the water on now. Yay! I love to drink cool water from this stream. And catch the sparkling bubbles sometimes. It makes a gurgling sound too, that is so fascinating. I didn’t realize I was so thirsty!

Now, I am ready to play! Yes, it is almost night and I am totally charged up and ready to hunt! Come on, human, come and face me in combat. Yes! I am waiting here in the dark to suddenly pounce on you. Oh no, now.. what happened? I just got lifted off my feet. no… nooooooo…. it is taking me upstairs. I know what this means. It will leave me in a closed room to sleep. But hey! human! I am all ready and charged up… to play! I don’t want to go to bed now. Please… some more time… I beg you… Don’t take me there! Let me jump off… oh no, I got tricked! I got locked in the room now! Scratch scratch… let me out.. I am not ready to sleep yet! Come on, open the door. No use. It left me and went away. It will not come till morning now. I better settle down on my cozy chair and sleep. Anyways, there is no danger in this room, so I need not stay alert. Yawwwwnnnnn!

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The Searcher’s block [by Sharada]

Posted in Humour, Life, writing by Ratheesh & Sharada on August 31, 2015

From the most eloquent best sellers to the newbie amateurs, from the authors of great epics to weekly columnists, it has impartially crept up on all writers at some point or the other. You might attribute your missed deadlines to it or hide away your procrastination behind this mysterious, dark curtain. But you have to acknowledge the writer’s block.

“Oh, that!” “gosh!” “there is no such thing” “of course, sometimes…” these are some reactions you receive from seasoned writers who can readily give you their theories about it or free advice on how to overcome it.

It is that sudden “abortive” emptiness that you experience when you finally sit down to write something. You start getting nervous and annoyed when you take the pen to a blank sheet of paper or a blinking mouse cursor to the first line in a blank word document.

Being a writer, I can find myself nodding agreeably to these symptoms of writer’s block. But how many of you have experienced the “Searcher’s block”?

You are sitting in front of with some bouncy animation pouncing at you, threatening to distract you while your mouse cursor is blinking on that empty text box which urges you to type anything.. anything! And, you cannot remember what you want to search for.

You may have found answers to the deepest questions, solutions to all your problems right at your fingertips, but you just seem to go blank and develop cold feet or rather, cold fingertips.

It is like God appeared and said “I will grant you any wish you want. Just name it! Anything!” and you just stand there blinking, stammering, biting your lips, stupefied, and not knowing what you really want.

How disdainful! Especially since everyone else seem to be happily finding all they ever wanted on Google, from long lost friends to secret slimming recipes to phone numbers of their favourite celebrities. IT IS ALL THERE. You only need to ask!

Till then, I would have mentally noted all that I need to ask Google, but, why on earth can’t I remember anything meaningful? What makes this worse is the fact that just because I got to the page, just because I made the effort to boot my system and open a browser, I start looking for generic, meaningless terms that Google rewards suitably with irrelevant search results.

This is not the same as knowing what you need but unable to key in the right words that will give you the best results. That is a different problem altogether.

My worst nightmare is when I am in some remote place, where you need to change buses, walk kilometres to reach a place where you get network and it is a rather slow network where the google home page takes a couple of minutes to load and after all the effort, I just can’t remember what was it that I was seeking.

It used to happen to me when I had to go to a cyber center, when I had ten minutes still left after sending my emails, and I wanted to make the best use of the paid time. Then when I start searching for lame, useless stuff, I would feel like kicking myself.

That, my friend, is the “searcher’s block”. Just like all other blocks, it is real; it is right there hiding, like a virus waiting to attack its next unsuspecting victim!

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