Cool Buddies

The planet needs an euthanasia [by Ratheesh]

Posted in Environment, Sarcasm by Ratheesh & Sharada on November 18, 2008

That’s it! I am done. Go ahead and start destructing everything. All of you. Just go get all the weapons you can collect and start lynching this planet to death. I will not stop you, I will not come in the way. And I shall not distract you while you do it. I shall just sit and watch the whole thing peacefully. Once you are done, just let me know.

What are you waiting for? Ideas? From me? Sure, here are some.

Purchase the best electrical saw you can buy and start with your garden. Cut off all the plants at the stem. If you have got the time, uproot them. So that they do not come up again and invite those butterflies. Also, buy some cement and plaster the entire garden. No more mud and dust entering your sweet little home.

If you are done with that, move on to your street and cut down all those plants and trees in your street. No more noisy little bastards called birds disturbing your cricket matches. Burn the stem of those trees to be double sure. Create some panic and get together with others in your street, and cut all trees in your area. Tell everyone trees are dangerous and their children can get hurt when branches fall on them.

Now mobilise a mob and move towards the parks and forests and do the same. Do not let the momentum die down. Provide food and water to anyone who volunteers for such a cause. Do not stop till each and every tree in this city is destroyed.

Well, that was a good start. Now lets take care of all the vermin. Let’s start with dogs. You will need to buy some guns for this. If that is not easy, buy some poison. Mix the poison with rice, biscuits and/or milk and invite all the dogs in your street to your gate. Feed them this magical potion and release them from their lives. Again, plan to meet up with your friends throughout the city and ask them to do it too. I am sure one too many will be your willing partner. Do not stop at street dogs, conspire and do this to pet dogs too.

And why stop at dogs ( I said vermin right, anything other than human beings are vermin ). Do the same to cats, crows, squirrels, snakes, cows, horses, donkeys, pigs, rats, anything that is not human. Please take enough care not to harm humans lest you be called inhumane.

Now that all the trees are gone, and all the vermin have been shown their place, lets do some more damage. Pick up your car or bike or anything that you have that guzzles fuel. Fill it up with fuel and ride around the city day and night. If you can do it, just go for a hell of a long ride. If that does not sound practical, just switch it on and leave it day and night. Remember to fuel it up regularly. Get many people to do this along with you simultaneously. Do not forget, taking a flight is cheaper these days, so think about that. That should ensure we have exhausted all fossil fuels. That should also ensure the heating up of our planet real quick.

It would be really nice if you could also switch on all the lights in your homes and offices and leave it that way. Leave those electrical gadgets running too. Forever. Oh come on, you can do it. You have always done it, I am only asking you to do it in an organized way.

While you are on the bike or in that car, do not forget to incessantly honk your way through traffic. Also, if possible create some additional noise with the loudspeakers on your phone or switch on that radio. If many of you do it, there would be enough noise around to send those last two or three birds running for their lives (only to be shot down by one of your friends).

I actually erred when I said ‘human’. I should have told, ‘not to harm the urban-human’. We do not care about the rural ones, or the tribals, do we? So lets continue. Go buy all the expensive things you can buy (including vegetables) from all the corporates you can find. Fill up their coffers with your money. Let that poor farmer or tribal die. Why do we need them anyway?

Ah! Good job! Please do remember this. Do it together. All at once. I am sure it is going to be painless to mother earth if you do it together, and once and for all. Once you are done, some of us who go to bed crying about these oh-so-trivial problems can go on a vacation, without guilt or remorse.

Our planet needs a euthanasia … very soon.

Epilogue:

What bothers me today is the slow and painful death that our planet is going through. It is akin to someone who is my own, my blood, in death bed gasping for oxygen, pulling at the various wires inserted into her, screaming in pain and begging to be killed while a few hopeful doctors keep her alive. And that is the pain I do not want to see my mother go through. Hence my above mention suggestion, to end it all, with mercy. But remember, you, human might have the sword in your hand today, but you are by no means masters of this universe. The planet shall redeem itself, like it has always done, millions of years before you, and millions of years after you are gone.

– Ratheesh

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